- The Beginning Years -

Donald Paul had been dead only four months when Ellen’s Grandma McGee suffered a fatal stroke. Standing over her grandma’s grave Ellen thought of the positive advice and comfort Grandma McGee had been to her. Ellen knew Grandma wouldn’t want her to dwell on the past. But she couldn’t help remembering all the good times everyone used to have at her grandma’s home.

Months before Grandma McGee had died she had become, not only senile, but also physically dependent on her children for her daily care. Ellen's Uncle George Jr. and his wife, Naomi, had been taking care of Grandma when she died. At the graveside service a careless neighbor made a comment about Grandma McGee’s death being a relief. There was dead silence for a moment, and then Nora spoke up.

"Mama tenderly nurtured us when we were helpless babies. It was an honor to return the same kind of loving care. We’re thankful she’s not suffering anymore but we could never say losing her was a relief," Nora smiled and gave a gentle nod of her head at the neighbor.

The silence became embarrassing until the neighbor hung his head and mumbled an apology. Nora reached out and patted his shoulder.

"We know you didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings," Nora gave a broad sweep with her hands to include all her family. "We’re all grateful for your being here with us and we know you mean well."

The neighbor nodded his head in affirmation and smiled back at Nora. Ellen was proud of her mother for the way she had handled the situation and she told her so.

As Ellen and James walked away from the gravesite she began thinking that for once she had faced death without an oppressive grief controlling her mind. "Perhaps it’s because I know Grandma had a full life and her suffering is over," she reasoned to herself.

A few days after Grandma’s burial Ellen received a long letter from Thelma saying she was sorry about not being able to be at the funeral. Death had also claimed Thelma’s first-born girl, Jackie. She couldn't find the strength to make a long trip home. Ellen’s heart went out to Thelma and she quickly mailed a reply. They began corresponding regularly and Ellen looked forward to Thelma's newsy letters. It wasn’t long before Thelma and Dusty moved back to Fort Worth, allowing Ellen and her to become closer than ever.

When Ellen discovered she was pregnant again she told Thelma she wasn’t ready for another baby. Thelma said she understood how Ellen felt. She then told Ellen that she too was expecting again. The bond between the two women became even stronger and Ellen found comfort in Thelma’s company.

Ellen smiled agreeably when James talked of having a girl and she tried to be happy. But sorrow from losing Donald Paul had purchased her heart. Ellen became listless and melancholy and each day seemed a weary load for her to endure.

When Ellen and James' second son, Ronald Lee, was born, she felt cold and indifferent toward him. Ellen was afraid to love him, but sixteen year old Gennieve, and thirteen year old Carrie, made up for her neglect. They petted and pampered Ronald Lee until Nora said he wasn't fit to live with.

He was a chubby, blond, brown-eyed darling, with a dimpled smile that easily won everyone's affections. Watching him play was a soothing balm for Ellen's wounded heart. Time and love began to heal her mind and she slowly reached out to life again. When Ellen discovered she was expecting another baby, James was delighted.

"I sure hope we have a girl this time," James remarked cheerfully. "But, I know another boy will be better because Ronald Lee needs a brother to play with."

"It doesn't matter to me," Ellen answered.

"Come here, Ronald Lee," James called, "Daddy wants to ask you something.

Ronald Lee clumsily made his way into James’s outstretched arms and climbed onto his lap. James made Ronald Lee comfortable then looked at him with a serious face.

"Pretty soon, I'm going to take Mommy to the hospital and get you a baby brother, or a baby sister," James explained before asking if that would make him happy.

"Uh-huh, me wants baby brudder," Ronald Lee replied.

"You've been coaching him, Ellen," James scolded in mock anger.

"Only a little," Ellen laughed.

"Well, we'll try to get you a baby brother. But you'll be just as happy if we get you a baby sister; won't you?" James tried to sway Ronald Lee.

"No, me wants baby brudder," Ronald Lee insisted.

"Okay, we'll try but we can't promise.” James laughed as he put Ronald Lee down on the floor. "How about a cookie for my boy? We can talk about the new baby later, right?"

"O'tay," Ronald Lee responded as he reached for the cookie James held out to him.

They named their third boy (James' fifth son) Morris Finley. Morris looked so much like Donald Paul it made Ellen's heart ache. Ronald Lee wasn't the least bit jealous of Morris and he constantly ran after toys to help keep Morris entertained. Ellen's love grew for her unselfish little boy who doted on his baby brother so much.

When Morris was just over a year old, nineteen-year-old Gennieve and sixteen-year-old Carrie were married. Gennieve's husband, Hollis, was an outgoing, tall, lanky, good-looking guy who seemed to have an eye for all the girls. On the other hand, Carrie's husband, Jack, was quiet and reserved but was surely a match for her quick temper and tomboyish ways. About the same time as the girls’ marriages Ellen came home with happy news of another pregnancy.

"Oh, Honey, that's great!" James was thrilled and he started talking again about having a girl.

"It would be nice to have a girl," Ellen told him, "but it doesn't matter to me one way or the other as long as it's healthy."

"When is the baby due?" James asked.

"The doctor said it would be around Christmas."

"Hey! A Christmas baby. Won't that be great? Let's wait until just before Christmas to tell the boys. Won't they be thrilled?"

"If they get excited it'll be because of your own enthusiasm," Ellen answered. "But," she added, "it would be something to have a baby born on Christmas day."

It was Christmas Eve when James told Ronald Lee and Morris about the baby coming. His high spirit was catching and the boys were soon jumping up and down in anticipation.

"Just think, boys," James' voice was full of exhilaration, "Santa may bring us a sweet little baby girl tonight or perhaps tomorrow. Won't that be something?"

"Yeah," they both agreed.

"But, we want a brother," Ronald Lee added. Ellen noticed he had finally learned to pronounce brother correctly.

"Ellen!" James looked at her with apprehension. "Have you been at it again? Remember what happened the last time you coached Ronald Lee to ask for a baby brother?"

"I'm not guilty this time,” she laughed at his bad luck omen.

"Well," James grinned sheepishly, hanging his head in a child-like manner that caught at Ellen's heart. "You know I don't really believe it makes any difference. It's just that I want a girl so bad. But, as long as you don't have any trouble I'll be glad if it's a boy."

"I know you will," Ellen answered. Then suddenly, she wanted a girl also just for James.

By Christmas morning she knew the baby wasn't coming but James wouldn't give up hope. Every few minutes he asked Ellen how she felt.

"Where's our baby, Mother?" Ronald Lee asked as soon as all his presents were opened.

"Well, we may have to wait a few days," she told him.

"Why?" He asked. The tone of his voice registered disappointment.

"Because the baby isn’t ready yet," she answered, looking at James and wanting to say you started this so you give the answers.

"Why?" Ronald Lee asked again.

"Well, babies only come when they're ready," she answered, trying to be patient.

"But, why?" He persisted.

"James," Ellen voiced her irritation through clenched teeth, "why don't you explain to your son why the baby isn't ready."

"Oh, Honey, he's just impatient. Come on, Ronald Lee, let's bundle you up and go try to get your kite in the air."

"Me go too!" Morris yelled as he toddled after them.

Three long days later they were on their way to the hospital. Ellen was so glad to be getting it over with that the disappointment of the baby not coming at Christmas vanished.

"Honey; if it's a girl let's name her after my sister, Dorothy Ann. Now, if you don't want to name her that it won't hurt my feelings. And if it's a boy, I'll be just as happy. So, don't worry about it, okay?" James smiled and patted Ellen's hand.

They named their first girl, and fourth child, Dorothy Ann. James was so happy he bought all the nurses a five-pound box of candy each. Dorothy wasn't very pretty, but James kept saying, "She's the most beautiful baby girl I've ever seen".

After Ellen thought about it she figured he was telling the truth since he rarely noticed other babies. Dorothy was a delight to them and James spoiled her rotten. Only James could hold Dorothy or else she cried. She tolerated Ellen, because Ellen changed and fed her, but Dorothy's delight lay in her daddy. Ellen complained to Nora about how spoiled Dorothy was.

"You were the same way about your daddy, Young Lady, the very same way. And, he had you so spoiled no one else could do anything with you."

The following spring James and Ellen moved to a dairy farm just out of Denver, Colorado. The farm was nestled between two richly jaded hills flourishing with various types of highland trees.

Looming over the hills were proud, mystical mountains edged in obscure, dusky greens of different types of evergreens, firs, and pine trees. The mingling colors of the forest on the mountains seemed to merge into the blending shadows of clouds and snow.

Below this beautiful, rugged splendor sat their homey-looking, three-bedroom, log bungalow.

Ellen loved the sunny, bright kitchen and she spent a great deal of time there. From her kitchen table she could gaze out on a lush, beryl meadow dotted with wildflowers. Early mornings and late evenings she could see deer, and sometimes elk, tranquilly grazing on the meadow.

James' two oldest boys, Melvin and Monroe, were being raised by his mother, but he promised they could spend the summer with him.

"They'll be a big help to me, Ellen, and we need to get better acquainted with them."

"I'll be glad for them to spend the summer with us," Ellen reassured him, remembering what it was like to be without a dad.

Fourteen-yea-old Melvin James Junior (they nicknamed him Sunny, because of his disposition) was outgoing and full of mischief. In contrast, twelve-year-old Phillip Monroe was quiet and shy. Both boys were hard working and their labor on the dairy never seemed to have an end. They had yearned for the feeling of being needed by their dad and the farm proved an ideal place for those feelings to become reality.

Ellen enjoyed having Sunny and Monroe because they helped keep Ronald and Morris entertained. Dorothy decided to adopt Sunny and he often bragged about being her favorite. James and Sunny made Ronald and Morris give in to Dorothy, and needless to say, the boys didn't like their little sister very much.

James' mother insisted that Sunny and Monroe be returned to her for the school term, so when summer ended the boys rejoined their grandmother. Sunny was the most reluctant to go, and even though James promised them next summer, the parting was hard.

That winter Nora and Henry bought a small farm near Fort Worth, Texas. The closest town was Springtown, a pleasant little place that proved to be perfect for them. Nora loved the country and Henry was a born farmer, so Ellen felt sure they were going to be happy.

Carrie and Jack had a baby girl they named Carolyn. She was born prematurely; weighing just over four pounds. Carrie claimed she could sit Carolyn inside a coffee cup, but it wasn't long until Carolyn was a chubby, healthy baby. Carolyn had big, blue eyes and a sweet smile that won everyone's heart. She was to be the only child Carrie ever had.

Gennieve and Hollis announced the impending arrival of their baby. Like Carrie, Gennieve had only one child and when Hollis and her son was born they named him Hollis Junior. He was born with clubfeet and problems with his eyes, but right away the doctor began corrective measures. The doctor set a date for an operation on Hollis Junior's eyes and put correct his clubfeet.

When school was out James went after Sunny and Monroe, who were fifteen and thirteen years old. Dorothy was delighted to see Sunny and waddled around after him like a duck. She was talking by then, and Sunny often had her say things she shouldn't. James thought it was cute and wouldn't let Ellen punish her. With Sunny as an ally, Dorothy pestered Ronald and Morris continuously. Monroe took Ronald and Morris' side and that made four boys constantly bickering because of one small female.

"Ellen! Sunny!" Monroe started yelling one day as he hurried into the house. "Come here and watch this. Dorothy wants to ride Morris' tricycle and they're arguing about it. You'll see what I mean about Dad always making the boys give in to her."

They rushed to the living-room window and peeked outside to observe how James handled the quarrel.

Dorothy was standing beside Morris' tricycle and holding on to the handlebars for all she was worth. Morris was fussing at her to get out of his way, when Dorothy started her famous "head-bent-back" howl.

"Now, watch. That squall brings Dad running every time," Monroe stated.

"What's wrong? What's wrong?" James started inquiring the minute he reached Dorothy's side.

"Like I said her bellowing never fails to bring Dad," Monroe said in disgust.

"She won't get out of my way," Morris pleaded his case. "And I told her she could ride on the back."

"Aww, does Daddy's girl want to ride the tricycle?" James was down on his knees by then hugging Dorothy.

"Yeath me do," she sputtered as James took out his handkerchief to dry her tears.

"Get off, Morris, and let her ride," James ordered. "Don't be so stingy with your toys."

Morris slid off his tricycle and joined Ronald Lee, who had stopped playing to observe the proceedings. Both boys watched in long-faced silence as James walked away and Dorothy climbed onto the tricycle seat.

"Would you look at that," Monroe sneered. "Her feet can't even touch the pedals. And see that smug look on her face?"

As soon as Dorothy realized she couldn't make the tricycle go, she bent her head back and out came her "come-here-this- minute" wail. James ran out of the barn and grabbed up Morris.

"What did you do to her young man?" James was ready to spank Morris.

"Nothing, Daddy, honest," Morris began to cry. "Her can’t make it go."

"What’s the matter, Sweetheart? Does her want Daddy to push her?" James inquired as he let Morris go. Dorothy shook her head yes and James started pushing her around the yard.

"Now, can you see how rotten she is?" Monroe directed his question at Sunny.

"Yeah," Sunny started laughing, "But ain’t she cute? Guess I’ll go relieve Dad and push her myself."

"I give up," Monroe said in despair.

"Stop worrying about it, Monroe," Ellen tried to console him. "Dorothy being spoiled isn’t going to hurt those boys."

"I guess you’re right," his smile broadened as he thought of something. "Ellen, if you'll call Ronald Lee and Morris in here I'll give them some candy I have hidden in my clothes box. We can at least alleviate their jealousy a little."

When summer was over Monroe was the one who went back to his grandmother. Sunny refused to leave and his grandmother agreed to let him stay. James was delighted that Sunny wanted to stay. A month before Monroe left Ellen discovered she was expecting again. They told Monroe the day he was leaving.

"Next summer," James grinned at Monroe, "when you come to visit you'll have a new brother or sister."

"Really? Well, I sure hope it's a girl," Monroe quickly stated.

"Now, why would you wish that?" Sonny's eyes twinkled in amusement as he grinned at Monroe.

"So Dorothy won't be ruling the roost around here any more," Monroe laughed.

"Why, Monroe," James teased. "Just to make you happy, we'll order triplet girls."

"That's all right," Monroe assured James. "You don't have to go to that extreme."

"Well, I should hope I have something to say about that," Ellen grinned at James.

Before Monroe boarded the bus home James told him they would try to visit soon. Monroe smiled in acknowledgement, then gave Ronald Lee and Morris a kite he had built for them and stuck a sucker in Dorothy's mouth. Everyone waved a sad goodbye and watched as the bus took Monroe out of sight.

It was just before Christmas when James decided he couldn't make a decent living on the dairy farm. He sent Ellen and the children to Henry and Nora’s until he could find a good job. Sunny went back to his grandmother's. Ronald Lee and Morris were happy to be at their grandparents, but Dorothy missed her daddy and every night at bedtime she cried for him.

"Ellen," Nora told her, "that girl is spoiled rotten. I've never seen anything like it."

"Now, Mother," Ellen chided her. "You once told me that I was just like her."

"Well, Now, maybe you were a daddy's girl. But I could take you somewhere without your dad and get you to bed tear free."

"Why, Mother! Did you ever take us overnight without Daddy?" Ellen asked in mock innocence.

Nora blushed and grinned. "No, but I'm sure you wouldn't have cried if I had." She hesitated, then added, "Actually, I guess maybe you would have thrown a fit."

They burst out laughing and Nora started helping Ellen get Dorothy to bed. In a few days Dorothy calmed down and bedtime became easier. Ellen and Nora breathed a sigh of relief as they settled into a peaceful routine.

Miss Ellen Patricia was born January nineteenth. At first, Patsy slept all the time, and Ellen was thankful for the rest. But, when Patsy was six weeks old she became sick with a cold and started running a high fever. At bedtime Ellen bathed her with alcohol and brought her fever down. She decided that if Patsy weren’t better by morning she would have to cal her mother’s doctor. In the middle of the night Patsy's fever reached an alarming high and Ellen started getting dressed.

"What time is it?" Henry called out to her.

"It's one o'clock. The baby's fever is too high. I'm going to the neighbors to call a doctor," Ellen answered.

"No need for you to get out in this weather," Henry volunteered. I'll go call Doctor Torrance for you."

"I'll fix some coffee," Nora offered as she put on her old corduroy robe and walked into the kitchen where Ellen was. When Ellen saw her mother's robe she thought of Jimmy. Years ago Jimmy had a job as a newspaper boy and had saved enough money to buy material to give Nora as a Christmas gift. Later, Nora used the material to make a robe. And she was determined to wear it out.

"I'm sorry for being such a bother to you, Henry," Ellen called out to him as he opened the front door to leave.

"No trouble, Ellen, glad to do it for you," he answered.

"What's her temperature?" Nora asked, as Ellen took the thermometer from Patsy's underarm.

"It's a hundred and four," Ellen replied. "I'm worried, Mother. I think I'll give her a bit of aspirin."

"Maybe you had better," Nora agreed with her, "no telling how long the doctor will be."

Henry returned just as Ellen finished putting Patsy back in her bed.

"Doc's on his way. How's she doing?" Henry inquired, taking his coat off.

"Not very good," Nora answered. "You want some coffee?"

"Yeah, sounds good. It sure is cold outside," Henry commented as he sat down at the table.

"How long will it take Doctor Torrance to get here?" Nora questioned as she poured Henry's coffee.

"Well, he was home, so he should be here soon," Henry surmised as he sipped his coffee. Henry sometimes poured coffee from his cup onto a saucer to drink. He said it tasted better that way.

"Mother, do you mind keeping the kids if Doctor Torrance wants to put Patsy in the hospital?" The tone of Ellen's appeal betrayed her outward calm.

"Of course I don't mind!" Nora quickly consoled her. "Here, settle down and drink some coffee. You'll worry yourself sick."

They drank their coffee in silence. The stillness of the night was beginning to bother Ellen when she heard a car coming up their lane.

"Oh, here he is!" Ellen jumped up to let the doctor in